The Third Month

So, just before the start of 2007, a friend of mine told me about a book he was reading by Stephen Levine entitled "A Year to Live". The friend had read the book before and was doing what he could to simplify his life in this deliberate way. . .what is really important. . .as if it were his last to live.

I was drawn to the idea of how this might work and picked up a copy of the book myself and determined to read it on my way to the New Year countdown. I was hooked in the first few chapters and made a pledge to live 2007 as if it were my last.

I started January 1st and now, as I look at the calendar and find that it is already March 26th, I've wanted to make this a deliberate process. Making the blog may help me be accountable to myself and to the universe as it watches me find my way toward a more grateful and awake life.

With that said. . .my assignment for this third month is to "Each day become more fully alive. Practice noting gently and nonjudgmentally through out the day. Add mindfulness practice to soft-belly opening work: fifteen minutes soft belly and twenty minutes watching the breath, noting the activities of the mind. Approach [life] as an experiment in staying present, in opening your heart. . .Discuss how we fear our hidden pain even more than death, and how noting and mindfulness brings that pain to the surface where it can be healed." (Levine, 1997)

Today I had two good opportunities to look at this lesson. The first came in the mindfulness. I drove to Concord to meet with a mentor and friend who will help me with my dissertation later this year. She is so smart and beautiful and helped me to remember who I am as an educator and professional. Integrety that sometimes gets lost in the world was found in our shared conversation. She affirmed my need to be as open and honest as possible to that very important place in myself. It helped me soften my belly and slow my breathing to a quiet place. My heart was definitely more open to those around me who don't share that same awareness. It let the pain of feeling alone go away almost completely. Amazing how sharing the world can do that. It allowed me to be present in my career and educational journey.

The second lesson came when I was blocked out of an internet group I'd been invited to join earlier in the month by a friend I've known since I was in 2nd grade. Needless to say, I was caught off gaurd and felt so rejected. This was a group I was having some fun with and found the rejection as hard to take as it was to get stiffed by a jr. high group. I found out from my friend that I somehow didn't fit the profile of the group and, thus, was "blocked". That hurt of the old days of my teens came rushing back. I was embarassed and hurt and really didn't understand the closed mindedness of those people who shut me out. I had to remind myself to go into my breath and to know that this was probably a good thing. The universe wants me to spend my days more open to the world and the people who I love. Wasting my time in dead end relationships is not where I want to be. What a healing reminder for me to keep in front of me. AND my oldest friend in the world came to my rescue and reassured me of his love and loyalty even when the others shut me out. That's what really counts.