Payment In Full

I should have known this was coming
the time I was told the story
about the grandparents on his father’s side
sleeping, each in their own twin bed,
lined up next to each other, alone
for as long as he could remember.

Perhaps that is why his father
is the selfish only child,
spoiled by lovers who slept
out of reach of even the cool fingers
of night after night
without embrace.

I don’t know how else to explain it to myself.

I tried once
to imagine the grandfather
approaching his momsel
with body on his mind,
stiff with the anticipation
of youthful pleasure.

In my mind,
she rolled toward the wall,
letting out a sigh that sent him away
to memories of Russia
or to the dark eyes and hair
of some other girl who might move over
or call him into her abundant breast
and strong arms,
long enough to come home
and find the comfort
of her gregarious flesh.

What sins are passed unforgiven to our children?

If tomorrow I walk into the vaults of compassion
and distribute riches to the most needy
what is to keep me tethered to this life?
Will I have to pay my debt to all those I’ve wronged
in order to set my children’s souls free?


If that is so,
you are the first on my list of debtors.
I want to make your payment in full, with interest,
and exact change.

I want to retire to my own sweet sheets
fresh with forgiveness,
washed clean of any residue of guilt.

I will dream,
communicating with all your ancestors,
let them know my children are finally free
to make their own mistakes
in love.

I will have unloaded their traveler’s packs
of any baggage
or heavy stones
of someone else’s journey,
and, like the late night movies I adore
in this sleeping space,
I will look you in the eye
and finally tell you
I’m gone.