No Matter

Perhaps God will strike me down
for the skittering mind that has me bargaining
for my own life.

Is it blasphemy to want to be spared,
or at least ask for no harm to come to my father
or my own vintage flesh?

I have brushed with death a thousand times
and clamber for more of that suffering
it seems impossible to measure.

Today, when the end of my life seems approachable,
I linger at the doorway and pray for the cells to reverse themselves
and give up my love for only the one who will love me
no matter what.