April 30th

It is the last day of April. I had trouble posting in March and thought I’d be giving up on this. I couldn’t figure out how to post anything other than question marks in my posting with the heading “Hope”. That didn’t seem right to me.

A friend suggested that I might be able to cut and paste. Here’s my attempt to continue to chronicle my experiences. There’s so much I want to say during this year. I’m already a third of the way through 2007 and I’ve had one good post. I want to say more and have others get a chance to see what is in my head as I consider the end of the world as I know it.

Tonight I went on a walk after dinner with my youngest son, Julian. He fell asleep in the stroller leaving me time to take in the warmth and the wind and the sun. I just walked and thought about this post and what I’d want to say about finishing a third of the year. I couldn’t take my eyes off the baby. He seemed so peaceful and I just knew there had to be something to his face that made me think about this year. His 2nd birthday is less than two weeks away. I want this year to mean something to him too. I want him to know I’m here for him in a way I wouldn’t or couldn’t be if I were working full time and trying to finish my PhD and balance the rest of life. His face is so sweet. I’m so lucky to have such a healthy and happy little boy. And then there’s Jonah and Clair too. Just as happy and healthy and beautiful as Julian.

I’m feeling blessed to be a mother this week. I’ve gotten so much love in return for the love I’ve given these children. They really are such special people. I can’t imagine my life being any richer than having the chance to raise these children. The ride has been so amazing. If this were my last year and I was getting ready to say goodbye to these beauties, I’d feel very good about what I’ve been able to give them. They absolutely know they are loved and cherished and have a place to go for whatever they need.

In May I think there is much to learn and reflect on. I know there is a silent retreat at the end of the month. That will be good to look forward to. I’m excited about starting my comprehensive exams toward finishing my PhD. There are little celebrations and milestones that I’ll soak up and absorb as best I can. It will be like licking the plate with my fingers just to get all the tasty bits of goodness. May can be like that and this one looks like it will really put my attention and focus to the test. I’m ready to start that tomorrow.

Let’s see if this cut and past thing works!